You know that feeling in a relationship when something just doesn’t sit right, but you brush it off anyway? Yeah, been there, done that. It’s like our brains have a built-in ‘ignore’ button when it comes to dating red flags. But trust me, ignoring those warning signs can lead you down a path you don’t want to go.
Redditor Loxomednurmusci asked the community about the sneaky red flags in dating that often go unnoticed. Let me tell you, the responses came pouring in faster than you can say “swipe left.” From subtle hints to glaring warnings, it was a wake-up call that we should never underestimate the power of our instincts in the dating game. You know, those little nudges from your gut that something just ain’t right. So, whether it’s a date who’s rude to the waiter or someone who conveniently forgets to mention they’re still living with their ex, let’s not ignore the signs. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
#1 When they are rude to everyone but you, big red flag. It means he is an asshole but knows how to not be an asshole in order to get laid.
#2 Love bombing! Learn to identify it and then DON’T ignore it. It’s not love – it’s a con.
#3 Constantly asking your partner if they find random people in public or on TV attractive. In my experience, when they’re asking this, there is no right answer.
#4 Person already being in a relationship. Like, you think this person that’s cheating on their partner will suddenly turn into a person that you can trust is some funny s**t.
#5 When they can’t attribute their own fault or shortcoming to a single problem they face in life. Today, it’s their parents or boss. Tomorrow it will be you.
#6 If it bothers you now, it will surely bother you later, only way worse. Lol.
#7 When they s**t talk every ex.
#8 Little care when in the wrong, never showing any accountability for basically anything.
#9 He hadn’t actually told his ex they were broken up, just that they needed to “take a break.” I should have taken a break too at that point.
#10 Constantly canceling because their entire life is so busy. Like, on Saturday evenings?
#11 Little white lies should be one of the higher ones in this list. You see them lie to other people or family without a second thought, even about stupid stuff. Trust me, it only gets bigger and worse as time goes on.
#12 Cruelty to animals.
#13 If his friends are racist, sexist, homophobic, etc, but he claims he’s not like them…. He is exactly like them, he just learned to hide it better.
#14 They unsettle you.
#15 “All of my exes are b****** or aholes.” What’s the common denominator here? *you*.
#16 Much Older men seemingly charming, they are not. They prey on younger women. Run
#17 “My ex just left one day out of the blue. I came home and her stuff was gone”.
#18 Emotional unavailability.
#19 Love is blind. So blind, that people are often willing to overlook small differences in values and/or needs because it might not matter much in the beginning of a relationship and see it as a “necessary compromise and love will conquer all”, but oftentimes those little differences will become huge problems later in the relationship (most often when children becomes part of the equation).
#20 If he has a burner phone, run
#21 Possessiveness. To some degree, your partner being possessive is cute because it makes you feel desired but what many people fail to realize is sometimes it gets too toxic to the level of doubt and that’s never good cuz trust is important in a relationship.
#22 If you are not on the same page with money, this leads to a lot of problems should the relationship get serious
#23 Mistaking outer beauty for inner beauty.
#24 Insults masked as joking “Oh that’s just his sense of humor..” No. He’s just disguising his honesty with jokes.
#25 When they say ” just seeing what’s out there”
#26 When people ignore the fact the other person don’t put in effort. It always baffles me how many people jumping through hoops while getting nothing in return…
#27 Being TOO close to their mom.
#28 When she says she likes to have a beer after work but it’s actually 11 beers, when I’ve been sober for 4 years it’s just awkward
#29 If the other person doesn’t exhibit some level of curiosity about you.
#30 Lack of vulnerability and self-awareness.
#31 Not being polite to service workers.
#32 Find out your date has his own photos as phone background.. Just run!
#33 Their relationship history. Specifically cheating.
#34 Someone who is constantly changing jobs. I don’t mean they work for 6 months for one place, get a better position at another company for 1.5 years, then go to a different company. That’s normal career growth. If someone is quitting jobs every few months, even if they immediately get a new job they are not stable.
#35 Moving too fast. No it’s not normal to feel like you met your soulmate in 3 weeks. They’re not in love with you. They’re in limerence. Which isn’t long lasting.
#36 The family dynamic. You may say you are marrying the person not the family but it’s a package deal. Their mess becomes your mess.
#37 Pretty much anything you look at and think, “I can fix him.” Or relatedly, “But he won’t do that with/to me.” No you can’t, and yes he will.
#38 Holes in the drywall. RUN
#39 Pushing small boundaries that aren’t a “big deal.” Then, once called out on it, backpedaling, apologizing for it and then DOING IT AGAIN.
#40 Keep an eye out for insincere apologies. “I’m sorry YOU feel that way” or something similar is not an apology.
#41 If his first reaction to any type of minor conflict is anger. Here, when I mean conflicts I mean little things – disagreeing with a fact stated, where to have dinner, minor customer service issues. If the first tool they reach for is anger for minor things, that is the tool they will always reach for first. People change, but this is a pretty fundamental personality aspect and unlikely outside of intervention.