Based on this title alone, I’m going with NOPE, NOT AN A-HOLE AT ALL, because who doesn’t give a +1 to people? Jerks, that’s who.
u/Timtam325 explains that she wasn’t invited to a wedding — but there’s actually some back story here, so let’s take a peek.
My(F53) fiancé(M47) has been invited to a wedding without me and I have asked him not to go.
So far, I’m on her side. But here we go:
Back story – the groom and my fiancé have been friends since childhood, the grooms sister is married to my ex-husband (who is friends with my fiancé as well) and is step-mother to my daughter (23).
Ah, gettin’ sticky. The groom’s sister is OP’s ex-husband’s wife. And her daughter’s stepmom.
Although my ex and I are amicable, the step-mother and I don’t have any kind of relationship at all, we fell out a few years ago over some nasty things she said to me about how I was bringing up my daughter so that was the end of any contact with her.
OP and her ex co-parent fine, but the stepparent and OP are not. There is some bad blood there about how OP brought up her daughter.
This invitation came through with only my fiancé’s name on it and at first my fiancé said that he wasn’t going to go if I wasn’t invited but as the day gets nearer (this Saturday) he’s beginning to change his mind.
The invite included OP’s fiancé, but not her. At first he said he wouldn’t go, but he’s starting to have second thoughts.
I have told him that if he goes, then does that mean our relationship comes after his friends? Bear in mind the same thing happened a few years ago when my ex turned 50 and the invitation to his party excluded me then. He went to that party with my blessing but I ended up being upset at myself and angry at him for going.
This has also happened before, with a 50th birthday that the fiancé was invited to go to but OP was not. So. Is she wrong?
AITA for asking him not to go to the wedding?
I say … no? But with a giant question mark?
Reddit took a fairly measured response, “YTA. It’s going to sound dismissive, but I’m being 100% serious: It ain’t that deep. It’s not a contest, and comparing your relationship to their friendship is a bad idea. Take a day to yourself and let your fiancé celebrate his friend,” said one person.
Another wrote that she was the asshole because, “This is a childhood friend that he still keeps in touch with. Seems you weren’t invited b/c stepmom will be there and it would make her uncomfortable. Why you all can’t be civil adults, I don’t know. Either way, your husband shouldn’t be asked not to go b/c it’s his childhood best friend.”
I have to point out though: it’s bad wedding etiquette to invite one half of a committed couple. Here’s a measured reply: