If someone makes a derogatory remark about your body, it’s safe to say they’re not aiming to “boost your confidence.”
And you know what? They likely have it coming for whatever you’re serving up in response.
An OP on Reddit’s AITA forum was lounging with her husband, engaged in light banter about the usual everyday stuff. Then, out of the blue, he drops a comment about her chest that catches her completely off guard. It’s like a punch to the gut. And what does she do? She reveals a secret to his family. Now, in the aftermath of the skirmish, she’s left questioning herself. Did she go too far? Or was it just the right amount of retaliation for his thoughtless remark?
OP begins:
“My husband Jared and I have been married for 3 years. He’s currently out of work (used to work at a high paying job but got kicked out the company over a fight with a co worker) and I’m the one paying for rent and utilities. We dedicate some time to see his family weekly. They don’t know he’s unemployed because he thought they’ll see him as a failure especially his mom so he told me to keep it a secret,” the OP said.
“Last night we were sitting eating dinner at the table. His cousin was talking about his fiancee going to Brazil to do a boob job. Jared asked if he was serious then ‘flattered’ FSIL’s boobs saying they’re perfect and that he didn’t understand why she’d get a boob job. He then turned to me, stared at my chest while I was eating like an idiot (I have a flat chest, I’m insecure about it but can’t do anything about it obviously) and said ‘Hey why don’t YOU get a boob job, you’re the one who needs it the most.’ His mom gasped and was like ‘JARED!??’ I said ‘It’s fine!’”
“I then turned to him and said ‘I’ll get a boob job once YOU get an ACTUAL JOB since you’ve been unemployed for 6 months now!!’ He stared at me in disbelief. His mom began questioning him about being unemployed and he denied denied denied then admitted it was true. It got awkward with his mom scolding him and others shaming him for it and for hiding it. He got so overwhelmed he went outside and stayed inside the car til I came.”
“He started yelling at me repeatedly ‘you couldn’t have held your effing tongue?!!’ And accused me of turning his family against him and having them judge then shun him now he can’t even step a foot in their house from shame and guilt. I argued that his comment about my chest was insulting, but he said he was giving me a piece of advice and that there is nothing wrong with him wanting me to look pretty and that he said what he said out of support and encouragement, but I what I did was the complete opposite and that it was intended to hurt him and I succeeded.”
“He dropped me off at home then went to stay with his buddies. I called him later thinking he calmed down but his friend said he didn’t want to speak to me and I should give him space.”
What do Redditors think the OP should do?
“Let me get this straight. You have been keeping a roof over your heads, paying for this man’s life, lying to protect his ego, and he sat there and insulted you over a known insecurity not just to your face, but in front of his family? I am somehow not shocked he lost his last job over conflict with someone else. NTA. Divorce him and, if you want new boobs for yourself, buy them with the divorce settlement, but either way you definitely need a dick reduction procedure,” said ColloidalSylver.
“Girl, NTA. Call him back and tell his friends they can come pick up his stuff. He’s not paying for rent anyway. You’re perfect the way you are and instead need someone that sees you for you,” said tinyjacks.
“Oh NTA. He seriously thinks he was just ‘giving you advice’ by telling you to go get a boob job??? You’ve been supporting his dead weight for six months because he’s ashamed of being out of work and couldn’t control his temper at work, now he’s embarrassing you in front of his family and trying to pressure you into plastic surgery so you’ll ‘look pretty.’ Let him stay with his friend. Someone else can support his insensitive, deadbeat ass for a while,” advised QuackLikeMe.
“OP – just explain to him that your comments about his unemployment is just advice and that you’re trying to help him. You just want him to succeed! Also, dump this guy. He values his ego over your psychological safety. It’d be one thing if he later said, ‘I’m upset by what you said, but I recognize you said it after I said something hurtful. I’m sorry and embarrassed that I said something so monstrous. I don’t like that version of me.’ But he didn’t. He said you should keep your mouth shut. That’s not a redeemable person – you can’t fix him,” noted Zeius.