Me: hey, did you grab my butt
Wife: yeah sorry, I was looking for the remote
— Rock?? (@TheMichaelRock) November 6, 2016
[cleaning out our bedroom]
Me: Half of this stuff is junk we don't need.
Wife: The other half is mine.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 4, 2018
Husband 1st year of marriage: I don't want a TV in bedroom & let's not eat in bed.
Me 14th year of marriage: hahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) October 7, 2016
*watching husband sleep*
Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"
Me: "I can't live like this."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
What makes marriage so different from being single is that when you need emotional support, you have someone right there to tell you to stop talking during their favorite show.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) March 1, 2018
a long term relationship means hearing "let me empty my butt before you shower" while still finding that other person sexually attractive
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) December 15, 2013