My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) November 2, 2014
Husband: are you cooking something?
Me: of course not
Husband: the oven timer just went off
Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer
— the tanya (@atanya1111) June 19, 2013
Its so crazy to me to think that my boyfriend existed & had a life before he met me like how did he live without me all those years dam
— BELA (@isabelaseraffim) July 3, 2017
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
Me from my coffin to my husband: “Did you take out the recycling?”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 8, 2018
Is ya boyfriend even ya boyfriend if he doesn't constantly lie on your hair and rip it out your skull
— A M Y (@itsamylloyd) February 7, 2017
When he stops cuddling u & sleeps facing the other way pic.twitter.com/cKUAh9qux8
— Soysauce Shawty (@SoysauceShawty) January 31, 2017
We keep our marriage classy by texting each other instead of shouting through walls while we're home.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) June 27, 2017
Just regaled my wife with a story about a grocery coupon that should have worked but didn’t but then the guy got it to work after all.
Don’t tell me the spark is gone.
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) February 28, 2018
My wife cleaned the house all day and now we have to go live in a hotel.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 6, 2018