Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
— Robin McCauley Lynch (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014
*puts on sports bra*
Well, that’s enough exercise for today…
— Bogadafet ? (@bogadafet) October 15, 2015
My favorite exercise at the gym is pretending I don’t need help with the machines.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) September 24, 2012
The gym is a place for people carrying out punishments from greek gods, as in a bike that goes nowhere & a weight that falls on your chest.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 26, 2017
If you gain extra pounds really fast, then have to move around with them, I’m pretty sure it counts as weight training.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) February 20, 2016
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
— Mikey (@KrunkedRobot) October 13, 2015
It’s time for us all to admit the “endorphin rush” you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it’s over.
— Sarah Wine-Thyre ?? (@SarahThyre) July 30, 2014
I don’t need a Fitbit. I need a device that has a hand come out & slap me when I reach for a donut. That’s the thing I’ll pay $140 to wear.
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) December 1, 2015
The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money
— College Problems (@ColIegeprobs) November 10, 2015
[huge tough muscle guy drops his barbell at the gym]
HIM: whoopsy daisy
ME: what’d u just say
HIM: uhh i said shit fuck balls
ME: thought so
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) May 14, 2015
I know we’re at the gym, dude, but panting heavily at the urinal is always gonna be creepy.
— steve basilone (@sbasilone) November 6, 2014