13. The Prankster
We had mice. Boss man was terrified of mice and a total skinflint who didn’t want to pay for an exterminator. His big idea (I shit you not!) was to give me cotton to put in my ears and a blow horn. He then opened the back door, closed all other doors in the little shop, and I had to attempt to herd mice out of the store with a fucking air horn, with cotton balls sticking out of my ears. I tried to explain why it wouldn’t work, but he essentially told me not to worry my pretty little head over it, and that was my entire afternoon. Most ridiculous shit I’ve ever done at a job ever before, and ever since.
12. The Risk Taker
I had a boss who got a promotion to senior manager. The very next day he pulled into the parking lot with a BMW 1-Series. No one on my team even knew they made a 1 series (cheapest possible BMW/badge car). He gets out wearing a BMW polo and a white BMW hat. He offered to take me to lunch in it. He jumps on the highway, adjusts his BMW hat and says to me, “I don’t exactly do 60 in this thing!” does a little triumphant laughter and starts going 80. There was a cop on the bridge above us. We were immediately pulled over. I will never forget the look of defeat on his face.
11. The Scare
We legitimately had to lay off 4 people last year, and management decided to wait until the day before the Halloween office party to do it. No joke. It was like the Halloween episode in real life.
10. The Daddy
My boss took us to a Farmer’s Market for an office lunch outing, and when me and my two coworkers walked over to his table after having browsed and eaten, he told his attorney friend he was with, “They don’t like to be too far from daddy.”
9. The Perfect Mix Up
My boss would confuse the word fillet and fellate. I about lost it a few times when he came up and said “If we don’t get XXX done by the deadline they’re going to fellate us in the next meeting!”
8. The Impersonator
Wore a tuxedo at work lunch to give out superlative type rewards. The lunch was at a local sports bar.
He had never seen The Office.
7. The Fiber King
This is a story from my brother. He works at a credit union and one morning around 10 his boss walks out of his office asking if anyone wants the other half he cut off of this huge bran muffin he had for breakfast. Everyone there said they were fine and the boss went back into his office. Later, around 12, an employee comes in for her shift with a box full of doughnuts to share with the office. Everyone came up and took one thanking the employee for bringing in the treat. The boss was visibly mad that everyone went for the doughnuts and no one wanted his half of his bran muffin. He was just a big grump for the rest of the day.
6. The Lonely Heart
made someone come with him to get his shoes shined because he wanted someone to talk to.
except, we all wore sneakers, so the lucky guy got to just stand there and wait while he got his shoeshine.
5. The Opportunist
He was approved to buy a furniture set for out new office waiting room he bought one then took it home and brought his old living room furniture for the office to use. Then when they shut that office down a year later he took his old furniture back instead of letting them take it to the new office location.
4. The Competitor
Canceled work for the afternoon so their team could all play a new board game they bought. Called it a “team building exercise”.
Then when they started losing, started berating and yelling at junior employees for not ‘playing fair’ or ‘being too competitive’, etc.