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“Bible Shower Thoughts” May Be Casual Blasphemy, But They’re Really Good Points

Forgive me Father, but these bible shower thoughts are a sin. Albeit an entertaining one.

People on Reddit have been sharing interesting thoughts and things that stand out about the Old and New Testament. From Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah’s Ark, and the Blessed Virgin Mary, here are some bible shower thoughts that might make you stop and think.

Just be sure to keep track so you can repent all of this later at confession.

1. High tech

bible shower thoughts

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– via Redditor u/Ashu929

2. He said two of EVERYTHING

“Noah must have really trusted those two termites that were on the arc.”

– via Redditor u/Magvel_

3. Brotherly love

“Cain and Abel is a story about how humankind invented murder before anyone died of natural causes.”

– via Redditor u/TheAnagramancer

 

4. Gap tooth

“Since Adam and Eve were never kids, imagine they were probably horrified when their kid’s teeth started falling out for no reason…”

– via Redditor u/MysterEthan04

5. Mary actually had a little lamb

bible shower thoughts

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-via Redditor u/Indian_Of_Legend

6. Math checks out

“Both Cain and the Black Death killed around 25% of the global population.”

– via Redditor u/bloxxerhunt

7. Oh No(ah)!

“Getting off of the Ark only to see miles of human and animal corpses must have been pretty rough of Noah and his family.”

– via Redditor u/biggest-brained-boii

8. Six-pack Moses

“Moses must have been jacked in order to hold those giant stone tablets with such ease as depicted in all those paintings.”

– via Redditor u/upsidedownquestion

9. Jesus originiated BYOB

“Jesus’ first miracle was bringing alcohol to a party.”

– via Redditor u/thebananahotdog

10. Divided the fans

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– via Redditor u/mesmilized

11. You cracked the code

“In most illustrations, Adam and Eve have belly buttons.”

– via Redditor u/ThiefofHeart05

12. Oh yeah? Prove it

“If Jesus did resurrect today, he’d probably be lost in the shuffle of crazy people claiming to be Jesus.”

– via Redditor u/moneys5

13. Maybe that’s where the term comes from?

“When Moses destroyed the first set of Commandments, he was literally breaking the law.”

– via Redditor u/cyberdecks-and-neon

14. Are you listening?

“The story of David and Goliath is really about how technological advancement can be more advantageous in war than troop strength.”

– via Redditor u/murse_joe

15. Just don’t answer that one

bible shower thoughts

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– via Redditor u/Frontb***McGee

16. The worst

“If snakes lost their legs for giving Adam and Eve the Apple of Enlightenment, clams must have really f**ked up.”

– via Redditor u/PineKing213

17. I rest my case

“Cain was probably innocent because he never knew that a rock could kill, because nobody died before Abel did.”

– via Redditor u/LP_1996

18. We’re at capacity

“Narwhals are just unicorns that survived and adapted because Noah wouldn’t let them on his Ark.”

– via Redditor u/Nobodygrotesque

19. Sounds like an episode of Maury

“If Jesus were born today, DNA tests would prove who the father was.”

– via Redditor u/mydogbuddha

20. Anyway, time to get going you two

bible shower thoughts

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– via Redditor u/PoopMobile9000

21. Plus all the animals

“All of the inns of Bethlehem probably weren’t full when Mary and Joseph went looking for a place to give birth, the innkeepers probably just didn’t want their rooms to be used for a childbirth, baby savior or not.

Childbirth is pretty messy, so we can all understand. ”

– via Redditor u/Bonzo451

22. Who didn’t do the reading this week?

“Church is like a big book club for the bible.”

– via Redditor u/CallMeBob2015

23. Horrible space management

“In the last supper, why are they all sitting on one side of the table? Were there 13 no-shows?”

– via Redditor u/hairsofdonaldtrump

24. The Earth without art is just ‘eh’

“The Bible has produced more fan art than any other fandom.”

– via Redditor u/elephainte

25. Very very close

bible shower thoughts

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– via Redditor u/[deleted]

H/T