Some of us have a special sense of humor. The kind that makes your friends and family look at you like you’re crazy. Maybe you’re the person who giggles at a funeral, or you’re the first to laugh when you see a friend of yours get hurt. It’s not your fault. You probably grew up with jokes like these.
I don’t remember this episode pic.twitter.com/eGCzwbH7iF
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) December 13, 2017
me: hi do you take walk-ins
the morgue: what
— Pious Poster (@InternetHippo) June 20, 2017
Spice up any Facebook comment with random quotation marks.
"Congrats" on your baby.
Congrats on "your" baby.
Congrats on your "baby".
— Devin 🍞🥪 (@papasuncle) July 23, 2017
Reminder of one of the darkest moments in history pic.twitter.com/uvu2UhLggW
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) November 25, 2017
My parrot died today. Its last words were, "Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die."
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 13, 2016
i pulled out my insulin pump in class and sarah leans over and goes “is that the new iphone 10!?”. fuck u sarah it’s diabetes
— Jake Hullinger (@_LitRomney) December 5, 2017
Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password?
Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily]
THIS IS A FUNERAL
Me: *[Types in]
THIS IS A FUNERAL
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) June 14, 2014
The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
— Joe West (@joejwest) September 9, 2014
MUGGER: GIVE ME YOUR PURSE OR I'LL SHOOT YOU
ME: *realize I won't have to pay student loans back if I'm dead*
ME: I'm thinking.
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 24, 2015
[Me, watching my murderer wipe down everything as I'm dying]: "Oh, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it."
— She’s A Real Genius (@ShesARealGenius) September 29, 2016
me: [pointing gun in air] "EVERYBODY LISTEN UP THIS IS A ROBBERY"
girl: "dude, this is a library"
me: "oh" [screwing on a silencer] "ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵇᵒᵈʸ ᶫᶦˢᵗᵉᶰ ᵘᵖ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ᵃ ʳᵒᵇᵇᵉʳʸ"
— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) November 28, 2017
Shout out to all the early humans who died figuring out what plants we can and can't eat.
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) November 30, 2017
Pac Man is in a bad place these days. pic.twitter.com/ZXite8thGQ
— Jon Rowlandson (@jonrowlandson) August 2, 2015
I'm sorry, were you close? pic.twitter.com/xoDpeaBkcg
— Mandy (@pandorasinbox) June 19, 2017
I still think this is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. pic.twitter.com/J7ckeGEQNV
— Ruthanne Reid (@RuthanneReid) December 4, 2017
facebook is so crazy pic.twitter.com/RwT5Mrvl2B
— lourdes (@gossipgriII) February 4, 2017
Can't stop looking at this photo of a cat falling off a table. pic.twitter.com/eJcitddCGd
— Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyo_sexwhale) June 6, 2016
The Time Person of the Year should be the same every year: the person inside Big Bird, for resisting the urge to kill.
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) November 25, 2017
Damn I never realize how bad my potty mouth gets at school until I'm home for the holidays and I accidentally tell my gram to pass the fucking potatoes
— Andee (@andeee_o) December 23, 2017
bob is dead pic.twitter.com/MPT59IB8Pa
— beedle stan (@trashlord5000) May 3, 2017
Me: have a nice day sir
*guy leaves store, gets hit by car crossing street*
*i run out, kneel beside him* what did I just fucken tell you
— rudy (@rudy_mustang) March 29, 2016
At my funeral, I want the organist to start playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" really slowly, until everyone is staring at the coffin in dread
— Brandon Carbaugh (@BMCarbaugh) June 4, 2017
*at my funeral*
Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress
Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets
— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 3, 2017
Just found this massive syringe at my local park, right beside where the kids play football. Absolutely disgusting. pic.twitter.com/NBgRuVNppg
— John Brennan (@UpturnedBathtub) June 7, 2015
I'm being proactive rn with this whole north korea thing, that's right, I'm on the toilet with a cowboy hat so I can leave a funny skeleton
— christian (@nopoweradeinusa) August 9, 2017
Facebook: Essential oils.
Snapchat: I'm a bunny!
Instagram: I ate a hamburger.
Twitter: THIS COUNTRY IS BURNING TO THE GROUND.
— Jeanne Hulme (@jeannes_jargon) July 28, 2017
gonorrhea would’ve been a good name for a diarrhea medicine.
— pony starwars (@tigersgoroooar) November 13, 2017
Jesus: *raising chalice* let us sup
Judas: what's sup?
Jesus: Not much what's up with you lmao
Judas: this is the last straw
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) March 7, 2016
i was so high that i thought gpa meant grade point average and then i realized she meant her grandpa who is dead pic.twitter.com/Uyw1P9KK3Z
— james (@anuscosgrove) February 21, 2016
Mental what a couple a fairy lights can do, ye could put them on a deed body n id be like omg that's fucking lovely get that on ma Instagram
— Paul Black (@paulbIack) September 14, 2016
My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
— josh 'Letterman' (oldfriend99) (@oldfriend99) November 18, 2017
Autocorrect saved my job again pic.twitter.com/NHEfpCF2RL
— steve suckington (@SteveSuckington) June 27, 2016
Can't lose the 2020 election if there is no 2020. pic.twitter.com/PhMdPu3x1h
— Bilge Ebiri (@BilgeEbiri) August 8, 2017