I mean, this title alone screams NOPE NOT THE ASSHOLE, right? I’ll be honest: sometimes I cannot believe how people can earnestly think they might be wrong about some things. But u/Throwaway9757657 really did join the AITA subreddit and really did ask, “AITA for my reaction when I learned that my fiance returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom picked for me?”
She explains in the post below:
My fiance M33, and I F28 are getting married in december. His mom is the intrusive type but she’s nice overall and we….somewhat get along.
OP explains she’s getting married in December; her MIL to be is a little “much” and has been a nightmare planning the wedding.
I hate to admit that wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare. His mom wasn’t willing to agree on most things, and my fiance said that since he’s her only son then I should respect and appreciate this “vision” she has for the wedding and how it should be.
She demanded to go dress shopping with them and found a dress SHE liked, despite OP finding her own gown. OP shut it down.
She insisted to come along for wedding dress shopping. I took her with me and my mom and friends. I was so lucky to have found what I was looking for. but she picked a dress that she liked so much and said that “she always pictured her son’s bride in it” mom and friends thought this line was creepy. I thought the dress was somewhat creepy and toooootally not my type. I apologized and thanked her for her “vision” but told her that I’d already decided on a dress that I had “envisioned” myself wearing at my wedding!.
MIL got mad and OP’s fiancé got upset with HER because she upset his mom. OP pointed out that it’s her damn dress.
She got all pissy because of it apparently, then must’ve told my fiance because, he came home in the evening ranting about how I made his mom upset and “turned down” her help in choosing the wedding dress and excluded her from the process. I asked “what process?” duh it’s just a wedding dress…my wedding dress so I really didn’t get how she should get a say at all!. He got upset and said that this attitude of mine isn’t working on him or his mom.
OP’s fiancé told her to consider his mom’s pick, but OP was pretty set.
He said that I should consider the dress his mom wanted me to buy especially knowing that “both dresses weren’t that much different anyway” like she said but I told him yes they were different…like so much different.
They argued and eventually dropped it until… He came home with the dress his mother had picked out.
Anyways, We argued about it then we dropped it. Yesterday I came home and found out that he had returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom wanted.
You read that right: this dude returned her wedding dress and got the one his mother liked. OP was furious.
I called him and he was straightforward about what he did and why he did it. I lost it and started screaming at him. He asked me to calm down and really give this dress “a chance.” I refused to even listen I screamed at him without giving him a chance to speak. He got home and we had an argument.
She left to stay with friends and this dude just kept digging himself in the hole.
I then went to stay with one of my friends and he kept calling and calling then texting saying that I overreacted and it’s his wedding too so it wasn’t cool how I screamed at him. He insisted I give this dress a chance. He went on and on about how his mom has a “vision” and good intentions and just wants what best for me as her future daughter inlaw.
OP’s mom was furious and her dad said to “go with the flow” (DAD WHAT?) so OP took it to Reddit: is she the asshole?
Mom is livid and has been wanting to go scream at him and his mom but my dad said that this isn’t worth ruining my relationship with my inlaws. He suggested I wisen up and “go with the flow” but is it too much for me to be able to pick my own wedding dress without being guilted about it just to keep the peace?. AITA for my reaction?
She also explains that the dress wasn’t BAD, it just wasn’t her. She’s paying for the dress, and her fiancé hasn’t let up.
ETD Q & As
I’m editing in some answers to frequent questions I get.
A. The dress she picked wasn’t all too crazy but just wasn’t my type.
B. This issue started during wedding planning and there were other things…like way too many things we didn’t agree on. but this “vision” has been there for…quite a while.
C. I AM paying for the dress obviously.
D. My fiance’s dad is deceased. also, his mom suffered from multiple health conditions. Has no daughters but one only son.
E. He’s still presisting…
Obviously this is insane and she’s not in the wrong. Reddit agreed:
Another person wrote, “To your mother-in-law you are not a person. You are an accessory that attaches to her sons arm. If your fiancé isn’t willing to stand up for you and himself, you will have to get used to having her run your lives from here on out. You’re NTA, but you kind of will be to yourself if you go through with a wedding without your fiancé on your side.”
Someone warned, “NTA. It’s good that this is happening now. This is not a dynamic that is going to change with either your fiancé or his mother. RUN.”