16. Camcorder
My drunken 19 year old cousin stole the camcorder being used to make the wedding video, took it into the bathroom and proceeded to pleasure himself on camera… no one knew until we all (the WHOLE family) sat down to watch it a few weeks later.
15. Granny
My wife’s grandmother managed to insult every member of my immediate family (and several other guests) before the wedding even started. I refuse to speak to her to this day. This wasn’t like a one thing she did that insulted everyone, she managed to do it individually person by person, without much effort on her part. A specialized snowflake like insults all around.
14. Call the cops
My sisters wedding immediately comes to mind. Our youngest brother, 18 at the time, was drinking at the open bar. No big deal, venue owner just asks that he doesn’t take any drinks outside.
My brother does just that. He got absolutely trashed in the parking lot and the venue owner threatened to call the cops after warning him more than once. I guess he figured if he couldn’t continue drinking, he’d invite his drug dealer friend to the reception and get high instead! The cops were eventually called, so he and his dealer friend take all the food they can manage to carry from the buffet table and flee.
At least it wasn’t a boring night.
13. DJ
My husband’s aunt (who was married at the time) took off with our DJ at the end of the night. We had to field a bunch of calls from her husband asking where she was and when she was coming home. Essentially, she went missing for a week after our wedding while she was with our DJ. So awkward…
12. The envelope
My uncle walked up to me on the dance floor at my wedding and handed me a small envelope. “There’s not much in here, but this is for you. Don’t tell your husband you have it, and when you get divorced in a few years, call me and I will send you more.” Then he turned and walked away.
11. Don’t point fingers
Not a bad thing but very memorable.
My brother got married in a Catholic church. He had 5 groomsman.
The priest HATED when a phone went off, and would embarrass the person if it happened during mass.
Anyway, a phone goes off. He glares at all the groomsmen. They are furiously checking pockets. The groom is checking, the congregation is all checking, all in a panic.
Then the priest reaches under his robe and pulls out his phone, and promptly shuts it off.
10. No magic
A friend of mine who is Indian has a family business where they run a few shops and gas stations. On the day of his wedding his future mother in law nagged him and his family out because he didn’t work in the morning at one of his stores. You know, like on the day of his wedding he chose not to work behind the counter for once.
Her logic was “how will he be a good husband to my precious daughter, if he can’t even handle his business.” Obviously this caused a huge storm which probably was even deeper than I understood because of their culture and customs.
The wedding did proceed, but the entire magic of the occasion was pretty much ruined.
9. Drunky
The worst behavior I’ve heard of though which I didn’t witness, was from someone I knew in middle school and I heard about the scene way after it occurred. She was the bride. She got very drunk at the reception, way more than she had any reason to be. Partied like there’s no tomorrow, including climbing up on a table and taking off all her clothes (or at least a lot of them). Middle of the wedding reception this happened, not like some special showing for the groom afterwards. I heard she ended the night by sleeping in a different room than the groom and with the groom’s best friend (maybe best man?).
8. Bail money
Buddy’s wedding day. He and his groomsmen are taking a bit of liquid courage outside the church right before the ceremony, and a cop comes into view. One of the groomsmen, perhaps pre-gaming too much, flips off and starts mouthing off to the cop, and the cop busts him for drunk in public/open containers, etc. Takes the offending groomsman to the station (mind you, not the rest of the guys drinking on the sidewalk, just the one who felt like taking it to the next level), and the ceremony keeps getting delayed and delayed — an hour and a half, so that the groom can bail out his pal, just to have him there for the ceremony.
7. As awkward as it gets
I was invited as a plus one to a wedding where the bride and groom were both in polygamous relationships.
When it came to speeches, they each invited another partner upstage. The brides partner talked about how they met and gave examples of how she was a great person. He also talked about how he was friends with the groom and he was great too.
Then the grooms partner got up. She talked about how they met at a party, fell in love and that their relationship was really special. Not one word about the bride. The groom was just sitting at his chair giggling and beaming at partner #2. He got up and went to hug/kiss her on stage.
There were some people staring in surprise and on one particular table (his side of the family) they were really cringing in embarrassment.
6. Junk
I work security for a popular hotel chain. A week ago we had a wedding. The hotel I work at has a glass elevator, and one of the guests decided it was a good idea to pull his penis out (riding the elevator) and point his junk at a family walking by.
5. Bad Dad
My dad was really bossy at mine and it annoyed me. Nothing extreme, but it was frustrating. He tried telling my FIL what to do, who wasn’t having any of it, they showed up 3 hours late for family pictures and then he tried to pull me away from my dinner to take pictures on the deck…because they had all missed their chance.
I told him no, pictures were at 2pm, they didn’t show up until 5pm and I would make time for pictures when I could. But I ordered this food from a restaurant I actually like to eat at, so I’m going to eat my food.
4. WWE-Style
Friend of my wife’s wedding.
My first clue that there would be shenanigans was the bar for the reception. It was an outdoor wedding, so the couple had rented a tent, in one corner of which the bar was placed. Above the bar was a sizeable, neon, bud light sign. Now, this wouldn’t strike me as funny if the wedding was at a club or something that generally has a dedicated bar, but it is a bit humorous that somebody willfully said the wedding needed a neon sign in a tent, and actively ran an extension cord to run it. But I digress…
During the reception, I observed one individual who was clearly very intoxicated and trying to dance with every woman there. The whole scene got to me, and I leaned over to my wife and whispered “I bet you $5 a fight breaks out.” She hushed me and scowled, that I would make such a suggestion at a joyous occasion.
10 minutes later, the drunk guy must’ve hit on the wrong woman, cause the next thing you know, some guy had picked up a metal folding chair, and railed the drunk into next Tuesday, WWE style.
I looked over to my wife, smiled, and said “Called it.”
3. Drama
My wife’s and my wedding didn’t have too much drama. No kids allowed. It was started explicitly on the invitation. We wanted everyone to have a good time and to leave the kids at home. All of our friends knew, understood and appreciated the opportunity to cut loose. Everyone except the wife of one of my wife’s friends from high school. “We really want to bring little what’s her name. She’s quiet.” “Nope. No kids.” “Are you sure? We’ve never been to Atlanta and we’d love to bring her with us.” “Nope. No kids. No exceptions.” Well, guess who brought their kid with them to Atlanta?
One of my wife’s other friends tipped us off because they were in the same hotel. So, we got a hold of them and told them she couldn’t come. “But we bought a really cute dress and we don’t have a sitter!” “She can wear it in the hotel room while you send your husband to the wedding.” To his credit, her friend had tried over and over again to convince his wife to leave the kid at home with his mom, but she thought she could force the issue. Instead, she got to buy a dress to hang out in a hotel room with her daughter.
2. Not a fan of the bride
It was well known that the mother in law (MIL) wasn’t a fan of the bride. On the wedding day she turned up late in a pale peach gown that may as well have been white and looked exactly like a wedding gown. She was up and about at the church until the wedding March started to play at which time she hopped up out of the back and walked quickly up the isle basically in front of the bride to take her seat at the front. She started making this horrendous crying sound as soon as the wedding vows started and didn’t stop until the pastor presented the couple as husband and wife.
She promptly ran to the front and used her elbow to move the bride before throwing herself into the arms of the groom. At the photoshoot afterwards she kept trying to exclude the bride from the pics and posed with no less than 10 photos of just her and her son. So every pose he did with his bride, his mom tried to recreate.
I wasn’t invited to the reception but heard she gave a doozy of wedding speech about how she couldn’t believe the bride was stealing her only baby and implied quite strongly that the son only married her because she was pregnant. Bear in mind they were together for 5 years.
1. Sounds like a good time
There was this girl I worked with who was marrying her high school sweetheart. They didn’t have much money to spend on the wedding, so the bride told me it was going to be pretty bare bones. I told her it was no big deal. After all, my parents got married on a $500 credit card and here they are, 35 years later, still together.
So my girlfriend at the time and I arrived just as the reception was starting. Allow me to set the scene: just inside the door, a 40-something woman is belting out “You Give Love a Bad Name” on the karaoke machine, there are two trays of cold cuts from the grocery store, probably a dozen cases of Bud Light, and a stack of cups, so the people who don’t want Bud Light can go get some water from the drinking fountain in the hall. Guess where the bulk of the budget went.
So about thirty minutes later, the girlfriend and I went out to her car to grab something. On our way back, this girl is outside having a cigarette. She stopped my girlfriend to ask about her earrings and where she got them.
“I got them at this cool piercing shop by the beach where they make all of their own jewelry.”
“Do they just do earrings or other stuff? Because I just got these pierced and I’d love to find some cool studs to put in.” She then yanked her dress down and popped out her giant breasts to show off her pierced nipples. Then a crowd formed for the viewing. There were probably eight or nine women who came over to ask all sorts of questions, and here I am, the lone guy, standing there looking awkward.