All’s fair in love and war.
Honestly, it seems like the former is weirder and more hurtful than the latter.
Maybe that’s because the awkward and petty things people do to their exes seem uncalled for. When a country invades another country, at least you sort of saw it coming. All right. I’m not going to continue this line of argument. War is worse. But breakups are… stranger?
Recently, the exes of the Internets were asked:
What’s the pettiest thing an ex has done to you? And, if you dare, what’s the pettiest thing you’ve ever caught yourself doing to an ex?
We’d like to believe we’re “the bigger person” but it’s not always the case.
Isn’t it petty to think so?
Here are the funniest responses:
1. Ice cold. Like the White Walkers.
“I waited until fifteen minutes before the new season of game of thrones started to change the password on my hbo account that I knew he was still using.” –MultinucleateClub
2. Infuriating and brilliant.
“Was in a relationship for two years, two years too long. He was an abusive alcoholic that was lovingly manipulative when sober. Broke up with him after having to call the police on him after a rather rough night. Two weeks later and I’m staying strong, telling him he has to be sober for at least a year before I would ever consider giving him another chance.
For the first time I stuck to my no, which was new for him and he very much so did not like it. Que him then spilling that he had been cheating on me for two months anyways with a girl he had sworn he was just friends with. Two months later I’m going through a junk drawer of mine and I found I still had his spare car key.
I am not an angry person day to day and I honestly don’t even wish anything bad towards him. I did however move his car two blocks every morning for a week. And on the last day, after what I’m sure was a week of being late to work and feeling on the verge of insanity, I left his car where he had parked it. I did also though turn the volume to max and move everything movable slightly. Do I think it was healthy? Not really but it did fucking feel great.” –eringobraugh96
3. This is the only thing in my prenup.
“”My ex-husband gave me back my KitchenAid mixer but kept all the attachments.” –thedoctorismyparabatai
4. Well, what did you expect?
“”My ex changed the passwords to my Snapchat, ruined my Bitmoji, and proceeded to block every guy on my account.” –laurenbutler500
5. New phone, who dis?
“In 2010, I found out my fiancé had been having an affair with our neighbor (for the past six months), 2 weeks before our wedding. His best man broke down and told me.
For 8 years, I have been giving creepy dudes my ex’s phone number instead of mine. His sister always texts me his new phone number when he changes it. She also sends photos and video of him losing his mind angry when he gets a call from a dude looking for a hookup.” –TepiKhan
6. The petty narc.
“The Ex cheated on me after 12 years with someone he met at work. When that went sour he lost his job and ended up falling behind on his car payment. The repo company had my place as his last known address, so when they showed up here looking for the car I invited them in, used Facebook to get them as much info on The Ex and New Girlfriend as possible, gave them his parent’s address and sent them on their way with a smile.” -anonymous
7. Bound to happen anyway.
“I hope I’m not too late to this, but I loosened the seams in all his pants and shorts so that as soon as he sat they’d rip open on him. It’s been 10 years and that still makes me laugh.” –gasoline_rainbow
8. Hitting him where it hurts.
“After the bro I was dating gave me the silent treatment for a week (while we lived together) and then I found out he was cheating on me, I hid all his protein powder in his dirty laundry. He called the cops about three weeks later, who then showed up at my house asking about stolen protein powder. I informed them that no it wasn’t stolen and if he had done his laundry in the last three weeks he would have found it. One cop looked annoyed, but the other one burst out laughing. Wish I could have seen my ex’s face when the cops informed him he needed to do his laundry!” –AaahhFakeMonsters
9. Maybe he’s just stupid?
“After I broke up with my first high school boyfriend, he left messages on my desk with misspelled words and incorrect grammar, knowing how irritated I would be, as it was (and still is) one of my biggest pet peeves.” –thegirlnamedisla
10. Dang. Hits home.
“”In college, my boyfriend dumped me two days before my birthday. Little did he know that his friends were throwing a huge surprise party for me at his house. He sulked in his room the whole time and didn’t come out.” –taradactyl8
11. The shoe is on the other foot now.
“My boyfriend’s ex knew how much he loved those expensive Nike socks that are designed specifically for each foot and labeled with an L and R. When they broke up, she stole all his left socks.” –nisham449182aba
12. As scary as Midsommar.
“My boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend cut open an oversized panda bear he had gotten her, took out all the stuffing, and wore the skin of the bear.” –taravanp
13. Messed up a week of his life at least.
“He repeatedly cheated on me with multiple women so I had my pregnant roommate piss on a test and then just dropped it at his front door. No note, no way to know who it came from. The panic was real.” –emmett_crab
14. Sounds like this will be showed in court.
“My ex sent me a 13-minute long video of him setting fire to everything of mine I left at his apartment. He used gasoline and everything.” –gummypikachus
15. Therapy. For both of you.
“He always spoke about how he hated his dad for cheating & lying to his mom, so when I find out he cheated on me with multiple women I went to his apartment and found a photo of us on his bedside table & wrote “Just like your daddy” on it. I also took all his toilet paper & hand soap because even though he was the 25 year old man with a job & I was a 19 year old college student he apparently couldn’t buy his own shit & I had to buy it for him. So technically it was mine.” –alelizeth