According to a new research project that somebody actually paid for, the University of Anglia has discovered that white storks are addicted to junk food. These white storks reportedly don’t even bother migrating to Europe of Africa anymore and just sit on their lazy stork asses looking for their next junk food fix at local landfills.
Storks are part of a growing number of self-entitled, millennial migratory birds that have changed their behavior and blamed it on human influences and climate change.
Lead researcher Dr Aldina Franco, from UEA’s School of Environmental Sciences, said: “Storks now rely on landfill sites for food – especially during the non-breeding season when other food sources are more scarce. This has facilitated the establishment of resident populations.
“We found that the landfill sites enable year-round nest use, which is an entirely new behaviour that has developed very recently. This strategy enables the resident birds to select the best nest sites and to start breeding earlier.
“Having a nest close to a guaranteed food supply also means that the storks are less inclined to leave for the winter. They instead spend their non-breeding season defending their highly desirable nest locations.
“But we also show that as well as those nesting close to the landfill sites, others are willing to travel up to 48.2km to visit landfill sites during the non-breeding season and up to 28.1km during the breeding season. This is much further than previous estimates.
“Under new EU Landfill Directives, rubbish dumps sites in Portugal are scheduled to be gradually replaced by new facilities where food waste is handled under cover. This will cause a problem for the storks as they will have to find an alternative winter food supply. It may well impact on their distribution, breeding location, chick fledging success and migratory decisions,” she added.
This is great news for lazy Americans everywhere who can now use the “stork defense” to justify their lack of life motivation.