The toxic masculinity reckoning is upon us, and folks of both genders are doing their best to address it and shut it down. Famous men are falling like dominos—though that doesn’t mean all men are complete trash.
Over the weekend, Twitter user @emrazz kicked off a thread asking the Good Guys to tell stories about times they shut down “misogyny or predatory behavior” from other men. She asked men to share what they said and did, and how they’d suggest other men behave in similar situations.
Good guys: tell me about a time you saw misogyny or predatory behavior in action and spoke up. What did you say? What are your suggestions for other men in this situation? #NotCoolMan— feminist next door (@emrazz) March 3, 2019
Less than two days later, and the tweet had racked up over 850 replies from men sharing the many ways they’ve kicked misogyny in the so-called nuts. Whether it was simply not laughing at a sexist joke, rescuing a woman from an uncomfortable situation, or explaining to the victimizer why certain behaviors are gross and inappropriate, these men (and women) prove the world is definitely changing for the better.
Here are some of the best stories and suggestions from folks who masterfully shut down misogyny.
Being at work at a grocery store when I was younger. I saw a bunch of coworkers going from aisle to aisle like they were looking for a shoplifter. I'm nosy. They were following a woman. I pointed out how creepy it was and got ridiculed as "a pussy" because I didn't conform.— Brian Woods (@BrianWoods1976) March 3, 2019
It can be as small and simple as just not laughing at a misogynistic joke you hear and creating that awkward silence— Garett Guenot (@gnarzz) March 3, 2019
Tough to answer in the abstract, but for the mysogyny > "Seriously - it is 2019 - how can you really think that?" Predatory > (if guy who I knew well) "That is not how you treat a person" (if less well) > "Did I understand what you just said?" or "That seems way over the line"— Walter Medlin MD (@bonuslife) March 3, 2019
I teach. Whenever I see students dismissive of female students, demeaning, or the like, I stop them and use it as a teaching moment on how they should treat women with respect. I explain how their language objectifies, demeans, or dismisses their female counterparts.— Dave J. (@SusChecked) March 3, 2019
One of few times I’ve been to a club a guy was trying to get a girl to dance and was being aggressive so I pretended I thought knew him and distracted him. After she left I told him to stop messing with uninterested girls. It’s not hard. #NotCoolMan— Cody Collins (@CodyDCollins_) March 3, 2019
i am petrified of confrontations, but one time i stood up on the bus to get between a guy hitting obviously unwantedly on a woman who was doing that ‘be polite, don’t make a scene’ thing and made myself look like an idiot looking around who couldn’t find his stop for 35 minutes— Panic! at the sourdough starter (@prooffreader) March 3, 2019
Most of the time, yes it happens a lot, if you just engage with the woman in a friendly way the guy moves on— Diedrich Bader (@bader_diedrich) March 3, 2019
Other times you say “hey man, she’s not into it”
Last resort you step between and say “hold up! Stop!”
In high school i got into scuffles but that hasn’t happened since
I saw a doctor, sitting by a phone, demand the female nurse dial the operator for him. I showed him the magic of his pointer finger and the amazing things he could do.. like push the letter O on the phone. Not exciting, but the belittling based on gender alone made me $&# crazy..— Ja Mes (@jwittstein) March 3, 2019
I call out my high school students all the time. They respect me for some reason 🤷🏽♂️. I explain what it looks like to basically every one else and ask them if that was their intent. They get really uncomfortable, and I usually never hear it again, or they start catching themselves— AJ Sisneros (@reepicheep37) March 3, 2019
My best friend whistled at a girl and I told him to cut it out, he was being aggressive. I think I insulted him and I felt bad, but he needed to hear that— Jason #NeverAgain (@ancatdubh2) March 3, 2019
I just step in between the predator and victim and stare them down- on the rare time(s) I've had to say something, its usually along the lines of 'step away, dude'— DKA (@aprilmedred87) March 3, 2019
Just to add, I think the “we” is important. A guy who feels ostracized isn’t going to go for self-reflection. “We” makes him feel included, and when people feel included, they want to act like the rest of the group. Hope this helps someone!— Kid Awesome1 (@Kid_Awesome1) March 3, 2019