On Monday afternoon, Twitter user @ramzpaul tried to argue that a man shaking a woman’s hand is “like shaking hands with a child.”
Shaking hands with a woman is like shaking hands with a child. It seems artificial and vaguely patronizing. The handshake was designed as a greeting between men to show that your sword hand was empty.— RAMZPAUL (@ramzpaul) April 1, 2019
“It seems artificial and vaguely patronizing. The handshake was designed as a greeting between men to show that your sword hand was empty,” he explained, before elaborating in a subsequent tweet, “Almost all women now greet with a quick hug in informal situations.”
Now, almost all women—upon seeing a man write the words “almost all women…”—will involuntarily roll their eyes so far into their skull they’ll end up staring at their own brain. The idea of a man knowing anything about a woman better than a woman is laughable.
It was laughable when the now-infamous Paul tried to mansplain vulvas to an OBGYN. It was funnier still when that one dude tried to mansplain tampons to the women of Twitter, and it reached new levels of hilarity when a certain back-and-forth took place in the comments sections underneath @ramzpaul’s astute “sword hand” observation.
Amy Brown—one of literally hundreds of Twitterers that dunked on @ramzpaul for his idiotic handshake take—had her height mansplained to her by a rando on the platform after she commented “cool I’ll just slap you in the face when I see you then.”
In response, a man replied, “I bet he could take you tbh,” to which Brown joked back, “oh yeah?? I’m seven and a half feet tall.”
ive had a lot of good things happen to me on this website but a man digging up my wedding picture to prove i'm not seven and a half feet tall is by far the best pic.twitter.com/SlD6TIg7Px— amy brown (@arb) April 3, 2019
It should’ve ended there. But it didn’t!
He then decided to prove a point nobody was seriously arguing over by digging up Brown’s old wedding photo and drawing a bunch of trigonometry on it.
Twitter had a fantastic time with the exchange. The math. THE MATH!
His dedication to pettiness is honestly impressive.
People had jokes about Brown’s giant husband and the giant room the two got married in.
I mean, he doesn’t know for sure Brown’s husband isn’t like, 8 feet tall.
Of course the important thing to remember here isn’t that some dude on Twitter believes “shaking hands with a woman is like shaking hands with a child,” or that another dude (very creepily) dug up a photo of a stranger’s wedding and then did math on it—it’s that he did so in order to prove to that (woman) stranger that the first man could beat her up in a fight.
And that, friends, is Twitter in a nutshell.