I’ll be honest, I’m not a big fan of “effort.” Take, for example, how I generally dispense with eating out of bowls because the pot I cook my food in is technically already a bowl. Or how I literally own two of these. Or how I’m having our intern put this post together after I half-ass the intro.
Does that make me lazy? I mean, if you accept the “dictionary definition” of lazy as the definition of lazy, sure. Personally, I fancy myself “efficient.” Why put a knife in the dishwasher when you can kind of rest it on the edge of the sink to keep it from getting dirty, just in case you want another sandwich later? That’s just smart thinking.
Fortunately, I’m not the only shiftless sack of carbon wandering the earth, so an entire industry of goods and services exist for people like me and possibly you. Things like…
1. These lazy reading glasses.
For only $4.44, you’ll never again have to, GASP, sit upright while watching TV or reading.
2. This corn kerneler.
Gone are the days of biting your corn off the cob like some kind of caveman. BONUS: It might also remind you of your first time having sex. Get it for $9.51.
3. A combo remote-control/bottle opener.
It’s about time our nation’s brightest minds spent their time solving the problem of how to open two beers at once when god only gave you two hands.
4. This inflatable pillow tie.
Let’s face it, if you’re lazy AF, you’re already sleeping at work. Make that experience more comfortable for $29.99
5. This electric potato peeler.
Not sure I understand people who don’t just buy potato salad pre-made, but I guess if you do, $15 is worth never having to peel a potato again.
6. A self-turning ice-cream cone.
7. This twirling spaghetti fork.
Just like NASCAR, when it comes to eating spaghetti, milliseconds count. IMHO, $9.00 is a small price to pay for shaving those milliseconds off your next pasta party.
8. Sandals that are also mops.
Take dad sandals to the next level for $23.57.
9. And in case you want to bring your baby in on the floor scrubbing action, this onesie is a must-have.
The main problem with babies is that they can’t help around the house. Not anymore!
10. A one-handed beer opener?
Say goodbye to the days of having to take a break from masturbating in order to pop a top. $16 well spent.