This Chicken Teddy Bear Will Make You Want To Throw Your Phone Directly Into A Bucket Of Holy Water

3 min

What most could only describe as the physical manifestation of hell itself, others deem art. I am referring of course to the chicken teddy bear, which unfortunately is no misnomer.

The chicken teddy bear, as you may have guessed, is a stuffed animal teddy bear fashioned out of a literal…stuffed…animal. It is the amalgamation of who knows how many goosepimply chicken skins and stuffed with…who knows? Not me!

Ivanov Victor WP

Though it initially went viral back in 2013, the chicken teddy bear is making the Twitter rounds again today. This is clearly something we didn’t get enough of five years ago. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere, but i’ll let you sift through the proverbial chicken giblets to come up with your own.

“Maggie’s chicken bears” reads a screencap from an ersatz Facebook “business.”

“Maggie [last name blocked out] is selling Chicken teddy Bears,” reads the description. “Chickens have plenty of extra parts I can make 2 bears.” The outrageous price points follow: $25 “if you supply your own chicken” and $35 if Maggie supplies the chicken.

“EDIBLE AND CAN BE COOKED ;; GREAT FAMILY ACTIVITY,” reads the kicker. Then, reassuringly: “Can also make clothes.”

Naturally, Twitter had many questions. Like how dare you? And also, how dare you?

As well as, how dare you?

Though some were far more concerned with the state of Maggie’s mental health, and the possibility that the teddy’s “chicken” skin is in actuality human skin. Not an altogether unlikely scenario considering the situation.

In actuality, the chicken teddy bear was made by a Russian (but of course) “artist” named Viktor Ivanov, not to be confused with several other far more nefarious (if you can believe it) Russians named Viktor Ivanov, who explained the teddy by writing “I work with found objects for which I find a new meaning and function.”

“Objects become reconfigured, searching for a new purpose. Mutation of ideas and forms is central my practice,” he wrote.

Ivanov Victor WP

At least he knows it’s gnarly. Ivanov replied to a comment on his WordPress blog by writing that “on the whole it made me feel disgusted the entire time I was making it… One should not know what it’s like to sew through skin.”

The Russian artist also explained that he had sown the chicken skin directly onto an actual teddy bear, if that is any consolation (it isn’t, and I don’t know why he believes it would be.)