Women Are Sharing How Often They Fantasize About People Who Aren’t Their Partners (18 Posts)


Honestly, I really wouldn’t have given this even the remotest of thoughts; fantasizing about other people seems absolutely normal in a healthy relationship and nothing to worry over. But maybe reading about how women actually feel in relationships will help normalize our own sexualities.


So here we go — and big props to u/celluloid_cineass for asking Reddit’s ladies, “How often do you fantasize about people other than your partner?”

1. She’s gay!

So I hadn’t really given this any thought until seeing this post, but it’s made me realise something. When I was dating men in the past, I would often fantasise about other people. Now I’m dating a woman, and I don’t think I’ve thought about anyone else since we started seeing each other. Yep, took me 31 years to realise I was gay.


2. Alone

While actually banging, never, I’m too engaged with my partner. Alone, 50/50. If I’m missing my partner, it features them. But sometimes you just want to fantasize about sweaty, dirty Aragorn whisking you away!


3. Fictional

I don’t fantasise about real people, including my partner. Only imaginary.


4. Depends on happiness

When I was miserable at the end of my marriage, often, and almost every time we had sex. Now? Never. My partner is the star in all of my fantasies. It’s the context/situations that change.


5. Not during sex

A lot during masturbation, not as much during sex, but some. Not about people I know. I read a lot of erotica and watch a lot of porn, so it is always of random made up people or porn stars. If I want to finish faster I think of whatever porn I last watched.


6. Never

I don’t ever. It’s extreme to some people, but it’s almost like cheating in my personal opinion. He says he doesn’t care if I do, but the idea of it just makes me super uncomfortable. He’s my man and he’s more than enough for me lol. I loathe the idea of him thinking of other girls too and he knows it makes me uncomfortable. So yeah, it’s really not something either of us do. Just what works for us, won’t work for everybody.


7. A lot!

My husband is definitely my type. I think he’s super hot, and we have a lot of fun. When we have sex, there’s lots of laughter and puns. I fantasize ALOT, but he’s always in them, it’s just…well I read alot of fantasy, and gravitate more towards domineering/cold, often kind of problematic male leads. For anyone who has read “Under The Oak Tree,” Riftan is totally my type in my fantasies, BUT NOT REAL LIFE. That possessive shit drives me crazy in real life. But when I fantasize my husband is always like this, usually a knight or mercenary, and there’s this whole story and they last like, days. I’ve been having these prolonged daydreams as I relax in bed since I was young so, idk if that’s weird. I never fantasize about other real people, but I never have even when I was single.


Never during sex. But I do almost every time I masturbate or see a hot person. But that doesn’t mean I have any actual desire to be with anyone else. I have a high sex drive and that stuff just comes to mind very often.


9. Him!

I don’t fantasize about being with other people, but I fantasize about HIM being with other people 😅


10. All the time

All the time. I hope he does as well.


11. Not really

I don’t fantasise about being with anyone, I can find them attractive but never imagine myself with them


12. People I can’t have

What…people fantasize about their partners? Nah, I fantasize about people I can’t have. If I want the person I can have I just go and get it. Then again, I don’t fantasize at all while actually having sex with somebody else. I focus on the pleasure. When I masturbate I don’t fantasize very often either (when I do, it’s usually a celebrity). I just focus on the pleasure. lol


13. It’s okay

More often than not. It’s okay to feel attracted to other people. Human nature.


14. Fantasy

I read and write fiction so… often? Lol. There isn’t a thing in life that I want more than him. But fantasy is entertainment for me.


15. Dreams

I have had sexual and romantic dreams about a few different people over the years. For all people it obmy happens once. Except for one guy. He keeps coming back to the dreams. A lot. In all different kind of settings

snowdrop works

16. No one else

Been with my husband for 20yrs now. I only fantasize about him. I just don’t even have any interest in anyone else, not even in an imaginary sense.


17. Tunnel vision

Never. When i am in a relationship, I have tunnel vision. Only my person matters to me and if I do find anyone else attractive, its only momentarily and very surface level. A quick “oh, he has good genetics/has a handsome face” crosses my mind for a second and that is all.


18. Daily

Almost exclusively, almost every day. And my husband is the same way, though maybe not as often. We have each other. If we want to get off on each other, we just do it. Fantasy is for things that are found in reality.


Kate Hackett

Kate is a freelance writer, actor, author and columnist living in Los Angeles.