Stefanie Mustian
Marriage is often about compromise, right? Sometimes you give a little, sometimes you take a little, and ideally, everyone ends up happy in the end. Many times a married couple will find a middle ground on things that suits them both. But not all relationships are equal. In some marriages, wives lack autonomy over their bodies, affecting decisions from having children (or how many) to choosing their hairstyle. So what happens when the compromise feels a bit one-sided, especially when it comes to something as personal as how you wear your own hair?
One wife wanted a pixie cut, but her husband said she had to keep her hair long to stay married.
Emma DoubleR’s story is a prime example of this. She shared on TikTok that she’s kept her hair long because her husband prefers it that way.
“So I have long hair because my husband prefers long hair. He said that if we were to get married, that I would be keeping long hair.”
“I myself prefer it short,” she continued. “But he’s the man, so I keep it long to please him.”
Despite her own preference for a short pixie cut, Emma has been maintaining her long locks to keep her husband happy. It gets more interesting—when Emma decided to go for a trim, her husband tagged along to the salon to ensure she didn’t go too short.
“We’ll see what I’m able to do, how short I’m able to get it, with him being there,” she said with a mix of humor and resignation.
Spoiler alert: the haircut didn’t end up being much of a change.
“He let me get a little bit off; isn’t that so exciting! she exclaimed. “It’s so short now.” she said, running her fingers through her still-long hair.
The saga continued when a follower questioned whether Emma’s TikTok was satirical, noting ‘A lot of you were not happy about this one.’
Emma responded “I’m gonna go ahead and give you the skinny and tell you if it was satire or real or whatever.”
That said, she kept the mystery alive by never responding with a clear answer if it was satire or not.
“He doesn’t mind if I get it shorter length, but he would prefer that I just keep it long,” DoubleR explained. “I really like my hair short, but at this point, I’m kind of afraid to cut it because I spent three years growing it out from a pixie cut.”
“It feels like an accomplishment — It’s like the longest hair in my family now — And I just kind of love it and hate it at the same time,” she confided while whispering into the camera.
Emma then revealed a history of men influencing her hair decisions:
“The first boy I liked told me that I needed to grow my hair out because he would like me more with long hair.”
“The second boy I liked told me he wouldn’t be dating me if I had short hair,” she recounted.
These additional examples highlighted a troubling pattern that raises questions abut choice, power, and autonomy.
“My husband doesn’t tell me I can’t cut it, but he does prefer it long and tells me I look best with it long and that I look funny with a pixie cut, which is how I like my hair best because it’s the easiest.”
As she said this she was waving a few metaphorical red flags whether she knew it or not.
“If he would tell me that I was pretty with short hair, then, yeah, I would cut it off in an instant.”
Emma ended her video with a determined yet somewhat uncertain declaration:
“But, I’ll do as I please. I will do as I please,” she repeated, as though she were trying to convince herself as much as the viewers. “I just like to please him, too.”
Whether or not Emma’s TikTok is satire, it’s a stark reminder of the outdated and sometimes controlling dynamics that can still exist in relationships and that the tradwife movement is alive and well. The idea that a woman’s worth is tied to her hair length is a glaring example of how regressive some attitudes can be.
Tradwives follow strict patriarchal views about a woman’s place and who controls decisions in a relationship. If a woman chooses to wear historical dresses and grow her hair long, she should have that freedom. However, long hair shouldn’t be a requirement or something that affects the stability of a marriage.
When one partner controls the other’s appearance, it’s manipulative, controlling, and abusive. Labeling this as part of a ‘traditional’ movement of ‘traditional’ values obscures the real harm it causes and doesn’t make it any less problematic.