I have absolutely no interest in learning how terrible childbirth is, but I will, for you, because I have to share these stories with you.
My mom, bless her, has said that she completely forgot how hard it was. And, sure, I bet nature sends all KINDS of chemicals flying through you to make you forget so you want to do it again.
But the women below? Did not forget.
1. Wrong hole
“Childbirth felt like my baby was coming out of the wrong hole. While pushing I literally turned to my partner and said, ‘I think I’m pushing the baby out of my butt.'”vel728
2. Jesus, nope.
“Childbirth felt like a nine-pound soccer ball with razor-sharp scissors sliding up and down my uterus and lower stomach. You’re sweating and crying and you don’t know care if your husband’s aunt sees the OBGYN stick her whole arm in your vagina to check dilation.”diamondm41a29eed5
3. C-sections are no better
“My C-Section felt like a 300-pound man was sitting on me while someone else gutted me and ripped out all my organs. All of this happened while I was awake.”j4d56c83bb
“It felt like the chest-bursting scene in Alien, but coming through my back (yay back labor). My kiddo refused to come out after 12 freaking hours, so they sent me for a C-Section. My ribs felt like a xylophone as they pulled her out and the first words out of my mouth as I looked at my precious new baby were, ‘I can breathe again!'”amishgirl281
“I remember learning about medieval torture/execution methods, in particular the one where they tie each of your limbs to a different horse and the horses trot off in opposite directions until they literally rip you apart. That’s what childbirth felt like for me.”hollyskittlesb
6. Dry heaves
“I had a natural water birth and it felt like I was dry heaving out of my vagina.”amandab4a261d8b4
“I felt like a teddy bear being stuffed. I had a C-Section and it was the most intense pushing and pulling pressure you could ever imagine.”meaganv3
8. Tiny welder
“When the baby was crowning, it felt like there was a tiny welder down there using a torch around my vaginal opening. Just like in heist movies when they are trying to get into a vault.”alliic
9. Oh lord, that’s terrible.
“I remember thinking that being stabbed repeatedly would have been much less painful. I had a nine-pound baby with no meds – not by choice.”pjlucci
“Take your bottom lip and stretch it all the way up to your forehead. That’s what it felt like! That was from Carol Burnett and it’s so accurate!”lunallee212
11. Rusty dagger
“It felt like a rusty dagger being slowly twisted in my lower back. It got better after I had the epidural, but it did NOTHING for the ring of fire. That shit cannot be masked.”saraf46cbcaf4c
12. So bad
“Imagine the feeling of lightning shooting down your lower back, groin, and thighs – along with the tightest feeling you’ll ever experience. The pain was so bad I couldn’t even speak and could barely breathe.”
“When your water breaks, everything is at least five times more painful.”cheyennerosea
“Giving birth to all four of my kids was different, but the same in the fact that it felt like my insides were stretched to their breaking point and then dragged raw on flaming sandpaper. Baby one: I started puking when my baby crowned, with a fourth-degree tear to the butthole. Baby two: Imagine what it feels like breaking your tailbone ’cause that’s what my second child did to me coming out! Baby three: I have no memory because of a complication with my epidural. Baby four: No epidural and I screamed so much I required oxygen.”Anonymous
“Imagine having someone wring out your uterus like a dishcloth while stabbing it with a hot poker…for 15 hours. My epidural didn’t take after three tries (yes, this can actually happen) AND I had Pitocin, so the contractions were extra strong. Then, add vomiting to the mix. Oh, and innocent little med students asking, ‘Mind if we take a peek down there?’ There is a reason I only have one child.”highland207
15. Cheese grater
“I felt like I swallowed a cheese grater, then shat it out whole.”giannaw46bbc5340
“There is definitely a ‘have to poop’ sensation, even with the epidural. Some moms say it’s not as bad as you think, but I was in excruciating pain. One of my friends said it felt like the wrath of god and, when my day came, I was like, ‘Ah, yes.'”megang453c82946
“It felt like I was pushing my butthole out of my body. I pushed so hard, the IV in my hand bent and came out of my vein.”mikaalanaq
18. The worst pain
“Have you ever had period cramps so bad you doubled over from the pain? Multiply that by 10-20 and you’ve got contractions. Have you ever been so constipated that by the time you finally pooped, you thought for sure it’d be the size of a football? That’s the pushing. I was lucky enough to have the willpower to go through it without drugs and felt it all.”nataliel437572994
“Basically, it felt like my uterus was slowing splitting in half.”gracyt
20. So intense
“Labor felt like a Charlie-horse cramp in every muscle from my shoulders to my knees.”
“The contractions are so intense, I almost passed out. Toward the end of labor, when the baby was coming out, there was a ‘ring of fire’ sensation centered around my vagina. That said, I would totally do it again if I could! The reward is completely worth it.”jillwulffm