being single is all fun and games until you realise it’s a never ending cycle of getting to know someone, they eventually stop texting you, then they watch your Instagram story every day until you die
— senorita ugly (@bex_bambi) June 12, 2018
On a first date:
Him: So, what do you like to do for fun?
Me: …ummm… I don’t know… drink.
Him: (laughs) No, I meant like hobbies. I enjoy hiking and reading.
Me: (long pause)… *sigh* I’m going to be alone forever.
— Lauren Ashley (@Mix_With_Vodka) July 27, 2018
— Carlos Romero (@wickedclos) February 7, 2018
Dating in 2018: having relationship problems with someone you’re not in a relationship with.
— FENRIR? (@OfcFenrir) July 24, 2018
Being single is cool bc you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss
— Shira (@shiraselko) October 3, 2013
5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message"
— Mae (@mzeld) January 10, 2015
What dating in 2018 looks like. ? pic.twitter.com/upzQ585skh
— Lor Jordan (@jemappellejord) July 27, 2018
Very flattered that you tried inviting me over at two am but, now hear me out. What if you asked me on a date instead.
— Lumpy Can of Biscuits (@NicoleKSchubert) July 23, 2018
date: i love your shoes!
me: ugh, these old things? they were free
date: take the compliment!
me: no like a kid stole them, threw them over a guard rail & they hit me on the head
me: ya turns out they used to belong to some basketball star
date: this is ‘holes’
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) July 28, 2018
Went into a store w/ wet nails & asked the cashier 2 pull a cig outta my purse & he said "get a boyfriend so you don't have to be like this"
— Slendermommy (@molls) August 31, 2013