15.
[first date]
ok dont let them know i stalked them online
them: my aunt–
me: theresa or sharon— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) November 7, 2015
14.
(brings date to the bedroom) will you check under the bed for monsters
— chuuch (@ch000ch) March 16, 2018
13.
DATE: {seductively} What’s your type?
ME: {seductively} One sec.
[2 minutes later]
ME: Ok yeah, love you, no I’m on a date, mom she’s the one trust me, thanks again, ok bye. {turns to date} She said B positive.
— Consider John Frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) July 16, 2018
12.
Friend: Put a banana in ur pants to impress her
Me: ok
[Later]
Date: tell me about urself
Me: there’s a banana in one of my pants back home— yabkat (@ohen39) August 15, 2017
11.
Avoid unwanted pregnancies by using the “pull out” method where you pull out an acoustic guitar at a party & no one will have sex with you.
— Brandon (@UNDEADTRESOR) November 11, 2013
10.
[Watching sex scene in a movie]
Date: These scenes are so unrealistic
Me: I know like he hasn’t even apologised yet— Jon (@ArfMeasures) July 1, 2018
9.
[at the movies]
ME: would you like some pop- (suddenly remembering my date calls it soda) would you like some sodacorn— FROVO (@fro_vo) July 15, 2018
8.
[watching porn] I hope they stay together
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) December 16, 2015
7.
her: say those three words and i’m yours
me: oppa gangnam style
— viking (@NOTVIKING) July 15, 2018
6.
you: dick pics
me, an intellectual: richard pictures— Colette (@colettelverity) June 28, 2018