Lex Gabrielle
Having babies can be a truly beautiful experience. For one, you have just created life—congratulations. But, as your children grow up, they turn into small little a**holes who say things without any filter and embarrass you in public. Toddlers are a rare breed of children that love to go straight off the deep end and land head-first into a wall. It’s truly outrageous. Parents on Reddit have banned together to make each other feel as though their kids are not that bad by sharing what their own children have said to embarrass them in public. Ouch, folks, it’s real.
1.
Carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted ‘HE FARTED!!’ at every single table. In case there was any confusion she was also pointing at my face.
2.
After his little sister was born my toddler announce to the parking garage that she, “came out of mommy’s magina!” So that was nice …
3.
I was in target with my 4 year old boy twins. One has a nervous habit of grabbing his parts. I quietly said to him “let go, hands off dude” and he yells at the top of his lungs “BUT MAMA MY PENIS WONT GO DOWN!” I don’t think I’ve ever left target so fast.
4.
When my cousin was about 2 she still occasionally took baths with her mom, my aunt. One night we’re at their house for dinner, out of nowhere, she blurts out at my uncle, “Daddy, you got hair on your peepee, too?!” And that was the first and only time in my life I nearly required the Heimlich maneuver.
5.
My son came home from kindergarten with his backpack full of canned food. When pressed about the issue he confidently stated that he had told the teacher he was hungry and we didn’t have any food at home! They had sent him home with the donations for those in need!! We got him to return the food the next day… Its a funny story we tell now but talk about embarrassed!!!
6.
Disclaimer: this was not my toddler, but a toddler said this to me while I was waiting in the grocery line: “I have a vagina and new party shoes!”
Really, what else do you need?
7.
At a fairly nice restaurant my brother was teasing my daughter, and my daughter screamed at him to stop and threatened to call him the N word.
(The N word was nipple)
8.
My wife had my 3 year old at the park one day. She decided to pick up some litter to make the park look nicer so she was throwing away pop bottles, chip bags etc and he wanted to help.
He stoops to pick up some cigarette butts and my wife says leave those to mommy (she wasn’t going to pick them up but didn’t want him to touch them either).
A few minutes later he has gone to play. He tells another mom, “I’m finding cigarettes for mommy”.
My wife was so embarrassed and said she got the dirtiest looks from near by parents who heard this.
9.
So my younger brother was 5/6 years old. My dad was coaching my basketball team (was in 7th grade) and my brother came along to hang out at the practice. Now my brother has Asperger’s so of course at that age social awareness is non-existent. There are a few black kids on the team and my brother was learning about Martin Luther King Jr. as it was around the time of the holiday. So his brain is processing.
During the practice my brother is standing under the basket as we’re doing lay up lines. All of a sudden as one of the black kids goes past him my brother goes, “Are you an African-American?” and my friend chuckles and goes “Uh, yeah” and my brother with a completely dead serious face and tone just goes
“I knew it.”
Whole team was rolling on the floor laughing.
