As the loving creator of all humanity, it saddens me deeply to see my children make crude and tasteless that are an abomination unto my laws.
Still, some of these Tweets are pretty damn funny. Sure, I’ll 100% send you to hell for laughing at them, but to be honest, it might be worth it.
Enjoy, sinners.
1.
nyc subway about to risk it all pic.twitter.com/eBeUOp5pPQ
— angy mobley (@andymoney69) August 13, 2018
2.
3.
— ? barbie ? (@anthophetamine) March 18, 2017
4.
[during sex]
her: i want you to hurt me
me: your sister’s more successful than you
her: wait
me: not a big fan of the new haircut
her: stop
— Das Skoogeth (@Skoogeth) August 9, 2018
5.
who masturbates for pleasure anymore? we out here masturbating to sleep
— luis (@ShineMyGold) August 11, 2018
6.
judge: how do u plead? spill the tea sis?
defendant: all tea all shade? i hid the body???
judge: omg sis ur cancelled and that’s that on THAT??
— ???? ♥ (@kobychill) August 3, 2018
7.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
— Aditi Sharma (@NazaakatWali) August 12, 2018
8.
BUILD A BOTTOM pic.twitter.com/yvswnCZ6uZ
— ⛓️ NONSTOPPUP ⛓️ (@NONSTOPPUP) August 8, 2018
9.
gay sex is a sin but so is premarital sex so if you have gay premarital sex the sins cancel out like pemdas
— jenny craigslist-ferreira (@STORMlJENNER) July 26, 2018
10.
“toxic” is such a meaningless word now. made a dodgy joke in 1998? you’re toxic. forgot to say “bless you” after someone sneezed? you’re toxic. the taste of your lips i’m on a ride? you’re toxic i’m slippin’ under
— rob (@noonbinary) August 12, 2018
11.
Uh…. they’re called twinks pic.twitter.com/FmoQCPCYmK
— Claire ?? (@Claireekm) July 31, 2018
12.
ah yes my kind of weddings pic.twitter.com/UOxXtN3DLG
— ? (@borealfiends) August 11, 2018
13.
in my tinder bio i mention that i have an MFA and i’m pic.twitter.com/nrPYK4A4IP
— Meredith Jeffers (@MeredithJeffers) August 8, 2018
14.
me w a boyfriend vs. me without pic.twitter.com/0o4x44ej6n
— Carlo (@BR0K3B0I) March 18, 2017
15.
16.
Akon: I see you winding and grinding up on that pole I know you see me loooking at you and I want you to know
10 year old me: I WANNA FUCK YOU pic.twitter.com/2i08ZO75w7
— NOT SAINT J (@houston_trill98) August 9, 2018
17.
she succ me
*pulls petal off a rose*
she succ me not
— soroush (@dearmrchrist) June 9, 2015
18.
You either die a sugar baby or live long enough to see yourself become the daddy pic.twitter.com/1fRZSlp2xL
— ? Manic Pixie Dream Goth ?? (@Vulpixel_) August 6, 2018
19.
when u nut but the government keeps conspiring pic.twitter.com/k7ZSvNFmvb
— chai goth? CHAI goth? chai GOTH? chai goth… (@Abid_ism) February 15, 2017
20.
When you suckin his dick n he whisper fuck pic.twitter.com/9eujIXvdWx
— Taylor Allard (@tayallard) February 2, 2017
21.
22.
my clit watching me grab my hitachi magic wand for the 11th time this week pic.twitter.com/LNc35gIPaH
— queen of queens (@chanelsface) November 10, 2017
23.
I just yelled "YANKING ON THE DICK!" so loud all the birds in the neighborhood flew away pic.twitter.com/tDvNpAvxoR
— Kevin (@Ginjerk) February 14, 2017
24.
is this about sucking dick pic.twitter.com/nlG1kfwcPJ
— emo inet ? (@inettino) January 29, 2017
25.
26.
Okay Arizona pic.twitter.com/Xg27vGatOq
— $hibari $hoelace (@JuulXantana) February 4, 2017
27.
Why does somebody not know how to flush a toilet after they've hadda SHET?
WELL IT WAS FOOKIN ONE OF YAHS!
DISGOOSTENG! pic.twitter.com/ZcIRYHn5NK— Crazy Broke Asian (@henryevil) August 13, 2018
28.
Richard Nixon campaign badges. Such innocent times. pic.twitter.com/lHT1wQ7MKw
— Líam Rudden ? (@LiamRudden) March 11, 2017
29.
30.
my only two moods pic.twitter.com/eBHK3Yh8I0
— popular slut (@kindslut) October 13, 2017
31.
I don’t want a sugar daddy but maybe like a sugar buddy. I just hit him up like “Hey how are you today?” and he replies “Doing great thanks for asking here’s $7,000. “
— Olivia Vincent (@Oliviathepig907) August 4, 2018
32.
reading sexts you sent when ur not horny anymore and u can't believe those things went thru ur head pic.twitter.com/D5pB3U6XIP
— Ricardito Chavez (@bryanlicious2) January 6, 2017
33.
This entire shelf of own-brand cereals sounds like an old English army Major, trying to find a euphemism for gay men. pic.twitter.com/Ah7qy8LTqt
— Alex Andreou (@sturdyAlex) March 16, 2017