Nate Armbruster
I don’t like to throw around terms like “hilarious” or “funniest” all willy nilly. I stand by my selections like a mother stands by her very large son and refuse to hear of them slandered or put down in any way. If you don’t find yourself chuckling, chortling, or cackling at any one of these tweets, then brother, I’m not sure I can help you.
1.
cons of drinking alcohol:
-liquifies your insides the next day
-sometimes makes you sad for no reason
-tastes like garbage
-brain has to reboot for the next 48 hours
-literally poison
-could actually kill youpros of drinking alcohol:
-fun juice makes me go haha have fun— hugo (@toasteredbread) October 14, 2018
2.
Bartender: “leave it open?”
Me: “nah, close it”
*5min later*
— cowgiirl aquariius 🤍 (@jstradforever) October 17, 2018
3.
https://twitter.com/seanieviola/status/803420936754130948
4.
https://twitter.com/swazikills/status/1052145341615824896
5.
waking up and realizing you gotta get this bread for another 40 years pic.twitter.com/b6X8SOUbYY
— flowers (@somethinglovely) October 20, 2018
6.
https://twitter.com/ammazing_/status/1051877354853691398
7.
https://twitter.com/rhollingstones/status/1053807680303841280
8.
https://twitter.com/anylaurie16/status/1053900080623706112
9.
jamie lee curtis been eating activia DAILY since 2010 bitch michael meyers ain't stand no chance
— 𝐤𝐨𝐛𝐲 ♡ (@kobychill) October 20, 2018
10.
me transitioning from 2018 to 2019 pic.twitter.com/sxe2RAURB7
— Dorsey Shaw (@dorseyshaw) October 18, 2018
11.
cells be like
o
fuck it
mitosis timeo
0
8
oo— logan (@laawg) October 15, 2018
12.
https://twitter.com/Doughbvy/status/1051932792295182336
13.
I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running to the bathroom/fridge/bedroom in a single ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ONNNNNN” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.
— Felicity (@FlossAus) October 14, 2018
14.
https://twitter.com/ColeEscola/status/1051212016386535424
15.
https://twitter.com/theyearofelan/status/1051157076871770112
16.
God: Noah come here
Noah: What’s the tea, sis?
God: I’m sick of all of you; I’m deleting the earth
Noah: Wig
God: You can live, though. Build a huge boat
Noah: I. Am. SHAKING!
God: And bring two of every animal with you
Noah: Weird flex but ok
— Nat Queen Coal 🪨💎 (@NatashaOladokun) October 11, 2018
17.
Me during a home invasion and the burglar tells me they haven’t registered to vote pic.twitter.com/nKLARcDe95
— Sofi LaLonde (@SofiLaLonde) October 19, 2018
18.
[watching porn] god I hope she is registered to vote
— atman (@AtmanDoesFood) October 11, 2018
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h/t: Pleated-Jeans
