Here we go. Kristen bought some fake bangs to cover up her “forehead hickies,” because she was tired of people wondering about them. “I used suction cups to try and make my wrinkles go away, and it didn’t work out so well,” she explained, of the offending bruises.
She bought the last…”pair? Set?” (we aren’t sure either) from Miss Tammy at Sally’s Beauty Supply. The “One clip-on bang they had left.” Unfortunately for Kristen, this…bang…was the color of “buttered toast.”
“Great hair in less than a minute? Well let’s just see about that!”
“They smell like bangs.”
So right then and there, Miss Kristen clipped on those clip-on bangs and, along with her captivated Facebook Live audience, freaking lost her gd mind. “I look adorable,” she informed the world. (She really does).
“I look like a Nintendo character. An adorable Nintendo character.”
And indeed, she did.
Miss Kristen then drove to the lunch spot to let the employees there weigh in on her new ‘do. At one point, she explained that one must always stop at a stop sign long enough to spell out “S-T-O-P” in one’s head—a fun driving hack for you to employ on your next outing.
“Hi, do you have any lunch specials for women with bangs?” Kristen seriously asked Kathy at the Wendy’s drive-thru, before ordering a #1 with sweet tea.
“I have bangs. This is a whole new life,” she says while waiting for her food—a statement which anyone who’s ever gotten bangs knows to be particularly true.
Kristen asked Kathy for her input. “What do you think about the color, does it match?” she asked.
“I meaaan…it matches with you, yeah,” responded Kathy, a true angel.
Next up were Dominique and Joelle, who told Kirsten, of her her bang(s?), “it looks nice.” Joelle particularly enjoyed the blonde highlights.
The story gets better, somehow. Everybody reading this, get in touch with Wendy’s corporate, and tell them Dominique, Joelle, and Kathy in Charlotte next to the Target in North Lake need raises and promotions.
But in the meantime, watch Kristen’s video. Yes, it’s 18 minutes long, but it’s worth it. If you don’t believe me, at least believe the 2.5 million people who have watched it since last Friday.
And remember: “If someone needs a little light to see, lend ’em your flashlight.”