Parenting is hard, y’all. Understatement of the year there. Once you’ve navigated babies and toddlers, suddenly you’re dealing with teenagers and “dating years.” Add a kind of dopey friend to the mix and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
u/Sajin88 recently asked Reddit, “AITA for telling my friend his sons aren’t good enough” in a post on the famed AITA sub. Here’s what he said.
So, I (M) have 4 daughters (all under 10), and I am admittedly a bit on edge with any comments related to gender norms, stereotypes re women, and the like.
OP explains that he has four daughters and recently went to a birthday party. A friend of OP’s was there and his three boys — all similar ages to the girls — attended.
This past weekend we went to a friend of ours kid’s birthday party. My other friend (call John) that I haven’t seen in years, his wife, and 3 sons were there. I haven’t seen him since he started having kids and his kids are all under 10 as well.
John has always been a misogynist, which rubs OP very much the wrong way. As it should!
A bit of background on John – he’s always been a jerk to women. In high school/college, he just always treated them more as objects. His mom was a stay at home mom, and he’s always been of the opinion that a women’s place is in the home, shouldn’t work, and should take care of her family and man, while the man should be in charge of the finances and decisions. Of course, his wife is stay at home (not that there’s anything wrong with stay at home parents, it’s a tough job, but I think the belief that women are required to stay at home is appalling).
With this douche’s three sons and OP’s four daughters, OP was braced for The Comments. He started right away and OP brushed it off.
In any event, since he has 3 sons, and I have 4 daughters and knowing how he is, I was ready for some annoying comments. Sure enough, he started right out of the gate (stuff like, oh 4 daughters that’s rough, got to keep trying for the boy, I’ve got my sons to carry on the family name, hope you have a good place to hide when the blood baths start … etc). My wife was proud of me (she knows comments like these annoy me) as I just brushed them off (responses like yeah, it’s all good).
Near the end of the party, however, OP snapped back. John commented about how OP’s girls could marry his boys to “carry the name”.
So, here’s where I may be the AH. Towards the end of the party, he said (in front of 2 of my girls and 2 of his sons), good thing you made my boys a bunch of girls, maybe they’ll get married someday and carry on the [John’s last name] name!
OP told John that his sons weren’t good enough for OP’s daughters.
My response was less than stellar: well, your sons aren’t really good enough for my girls (I’ve since looked up comebacks online and wish I went with something better, like if I wanted to hear from an AH, I’d fart). I said it straight face, and he just said guess your sensitive like your girls and walked away.
John told his wife, who then posted and tagged OP on FB with a comment about him being a jerk.
Unfortunately, that was not the end of it. John told his wife, and she posted on facebook: “[My name, and tagged me] doesn’t think my sons are good enough for his daughters, what an AH!” I haven’t responded and don’t plan to.
OP’s siblings generally think he’s right, but his sister pointed out that he shouldn’t have insulted the kids.
I have 3 siblings (2 brothers and a sister) and, interestingly, my brothers said they would have said worse, my sister thinks I’m the AH because I insulted their kids – which was not the intent but technically true, so now I’m wondering if I am indeed the AH. On the other hand, no one gets away with saying anything demeaning or misogynistic around my family, at least if there’s anything I can do about it. My wife said I was doing so good and should of just went out on a high note. What say you?
So what does Reddit think? Most were of the NTA persuasion.
“For me, it is IMMENSELY important that you clapped back. It was in front of your daughters. Doesn’t matter which 2, doesn’t matter how old they are. They need to see that John’s attitude is NOT acceptable and that their father disagrees with that ideology. If you had allowed him to speak about your daughters that way, as though they’re property and chattel good for nothing else than making babies to carry on someone else’s family line, then they would believe, however subconsciously, that you believe that way too. Confidence starts with your parents. You drew a line for all of your girls. “THIS is not good enough for you. You deserve better. You deserve people in your life who don’t place value on you based on your gender,” one person wrote.
