Kate Hackett
I’ve written here before about how much I absolutely f*cking hate “no kids” policies. Let’s turn that on its head: what about NO OLD PEOPLE?
You hate it, right? It’s gross and weird, right? SAME LOGIC, MY FRIENDS.
u/Strange-County-5848 recently asked Reddit’s AITA sub how awful she is “for not wanting old people at my wedding?” and the answer came back a resounding: incredibly. Here’s her version:
I (30F) am getting married to my fiancé (31M) in the fall and we’re planning the wedding now. Both of us have big families so we’re trying to figure out how to make our guest list work with our budget.
OP is getting married in about 8 months from her posting and she “can’t make the guest list work”. Sure, bitch. Sure.
Our grandparents are all in their 80s and his grandma has Alzheimers – she forgets who people are, doesn’t know where she is a lot of the time, and sometimes she just randomly starts crying or yelling and it’s really depressing.
And the grandparents are “depressing”, so OP doesn’t want this to ruin “her” day (GOD I hate how self-centered weddings are). She goes on, not helping her case, about how she doesn’t want these poor older folks being a “distraction.”
Both my grandparents also have some health issues and demand a lot of care and attention. I really don’t want any of this to ruin our big day. I don’t want his grandma shouting or making noise during the ceremony or my grandpa needing help and being a big distraction, and I feel like people are going to be paying a lot of attention to them instead of the wedding and the wedding couple.
Gross, gross, gross. So she and the fiancé decided just to ban people over 70. This is insane. This can’t be real. Do real people think this way?
So my fiancé and I decided that we don’t want anyone over 70 at the wedding and are making a blanket rule so it’s fair to everyone. I think they would be bored and more comfortable at home anyway, and it’s an opportunity for their caregivers to come out and relax and have fun without worrying about caregiving responsibilities for the evening. My fiancé is on board but the rest of my family is upset. AITA?
Fortunately, Reddit agreed with me HARD. Check out some replies:
“Jesus Christ, you have got to be kidding. You are the worst. YTA,” wrote one user. Another agreed, “YTA Op. if my Cousin or sibling was getting married and tried to pull this crap I would 100% skip their wedding and take my grandparents out for dinner or something. And I’d implore my other family members to do the same.”
Another user really dove into it, explaining that yeah, these diseases can do a number on people and caring about them MAY involve keeping them where they feel safe. However, OP wasn’t doing that; this wasn’t for the good of the elderly, it was just exclusionary.
Look, people with advanced Alzheimers get legitimately stressed out when they travel or are at strange places and don’t know what’s going on. We did a lot of math and planning to see if we wanted to bring my grandmother out for my wedding, and in the end determined it would be a miserable experience for her and I would rather not make her unhappy just so I could have her there. I’ve also seen many subs about people with family members who have conditions that make crowds and noise deeply unpleasant and don’t invite them so as to not make them endure something that they hate. More people should take actually enjoying the wedding into consideration when they drag people who can’t really consent to things like this to make a show of being inclusive.
But this, this is not that. This isn’t you caring about their feelings over the look of the thing, this is you caring about the look of the thing over anyone’s feelings. I’m sure your grandparents will be heartbroken you don’t want them there. Being over 70 is not the same as being under 10 – you can’t exclude people just because they aren’t able to do the cha cha slide. You are going to offend and hurt a lot of people.
Another person quipped, “YTA—I’m so sorry that old people don’t fit into your wedding aesthetic, Bridezilla.”
Another called out the “it’s my day” bullsh*t.
YTA. My grandmother had a health scare very recently, we’re talking like a few weeks ago they were sure she was going to pass, she didn’t. Thank god. But among the many anxieties and laments I’ve had as my grandmother’s health deteriorated (seeing as my maternal grandmother and my biological grandparents are the only ones still with us) one of them was that she’d never get to see me get married.
Grandparents, if you’re lucky and I wish everyone was, are the foundation of the family. They should have a special place at a wedding, not seen as an embarrassment or as a distraction. You sound incredibly selfish, people have taken the “well it’s my day” thing way too far
Join me in one more YIKES.
